Once upon a time when I was in nursing school I had a class that was called Human Growth and Development. I start my story out like this because it seems like such a very long time ago. In this class I was taught about all the stages of growing up and what and how a person went through each developmental stage. I find myself at the stage of generativity vs stagnation or adulthood age 40-64 years. I’m in the process of helping growing and grown children to be responsible adults and “reverse roles with aging parents.” That second part became a BIG eye opener for me.
WOW! When did this happen? I was going along, minding my own business and my life, struggling to pay the bills just like everyone else and then I woke up one day and my parents were having problems. It was like it happened over night. I had a great job, only working 2 twenty-four hour shifts a week flying in helicopters. Who could beat that? Well, OK, those days could be very long and 24 hours could turn into 30 something hours sometimes but still…… it was a great deal! My mom started having swelling in her legs and problems walking. She started having falls. My dad had both knees replaced, started having problems walking and then….. HE started falling. I had one child left to get through school. Only 4 more years and then I would be done raising my children. The problem was, my parents were the ones who took care of my kids while I was at work. Yikes! Now what?
Things started getting a little frustrating for me. I wanted to get involved with my moms Dr. appointments but she told me NO! So, I tried just giving her advice on what to ask when she went in. That wasn’t working either. Right in front of my face I could see the change in my parents and I wasn’t allowed to help. I know you are thinking…… she only works 2 days a week she has 5 days to help with her parents. Exactly, that’s what “I” was thinking too! It never failed though, something would always happen while I was at work. Do you know how hard it is to feel like you are stuck somewhere and you are taking care of a complete stranger instead of being home taking care of your own family? I can’t even begin to put into words how that felt. My last child at home still needed taken to all of his school practices and games and I was looking at my parents like…… they can’t walk so well and I’m supposed to have them driving my son? Oh man! That was really hard to swallow. They were having trouble getting around, I was on one hand somewhat nervous about them driving and then on the other hand I felt wrong to keep having them chasing around a teenager at all of his events and activities. How do I fix this? I live in the middle of what seems nowhere so it’s not like he can just hop a ride to get places.
Then it happened. The final straw! I was working one night and flying into a hospital in D.C. when my brother tried to call me. When we landed I got a message that my sister cut her hand on a table saw, my father took her to the emergency room in a panic because she had cut an artery. My mom, who had gone over to help, had fallen on the front porch and they kinda just left her there. No one else was around and I was in a different state. Ugh! So I start making calls to find out where my mom is and what is going on with my sister. My mom had crawled to the rail and got herself up and into the house and my sister was to be taken to a hospital in Pittsburgh to have surgery. My dad had gone home to get my mom back to the house and my sister was all by herself 2 hours away from anyone. Funny thing is, my next flight happened to take me into the same hospital in Pittsburgh where my sister was. After I got my patient all settled I was able to check on her. So, there goes another assistant on my list of caregivers and someone to pick up my son. The day my sister was to be discharged…… yep….. I was working! Again, I was not able to be there for something I felt I needed to be there for. Instead, my boyfriend was assigned to take my mom down to pick up my sister.
After almost 26 years of being a nurse, I decided I needed to find a job that would let me stay at home. Had no idea what kind of job that could possibly be BUT I took a class, became a Certified Legal Nurse Consultant and started my own business from home. Sounds simple but it wasn’t. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, leaving something that I’ve done for so long and thought that I loved doing. When I found myself not loving that job anymore I knew something had to change. While that became the end of my hands on nursing career, it was only the beginning of a chapter I was not expecting!! Stay tuned for the beginning of this journey which lead me to Discuss Your Healthcare……..